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Still Afraid of Girls?
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Immyls
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Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 1756
Location: Charleston, SC

PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 9:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm still shocked that I managed to make it all the way to brigadier. I think it must be like the navy... You stay around long enough and they feel bad and promote you...
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TeflonJon
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Joined: 19 Apr 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I guess it's my turn to post in here (on topic that is).

There's this nice young lady I met last Spring when I was in Charlotte. She was in town working as an intern at the airport while she finished her Mech. Engineering degree and I met her at the local game store where she was playing D&D. Gamed together a bit over the next few months before she went home to Nashville but never really pursued it because she had the whole "boyfriend that she had dated all through high school and college" thing going on.

Long story short, we've kept up since then but haven't talked too much until a day or two ago. She sent me a text asking me if I was available because she needed someone to rant to. So we start chatting on Skype earlier today and it turns out that her boyfriend, who had since become her fiance although I was unaware of it, was left in the dust a week or so ago and she needed someone to talk to because a lot of her friends from back in TN were taking his side on it. After we finished talking today we tentatively setup future Skype sessions for the next day or so.

So advice is welcome. More than anything else, I don't want to get friendzoned on this. I want to go slowly, because that's kind of my instinct, but my instincts suck when it comes to relationships. I'm pretty sure she knows I'm interested, because I replied to one of her texts with the phrase "As you wish" and she instantly got the Princess Bride reference. I don't want to seem pushy about it, so I've been fairly oblique. This girl is flat out amazing and I'm terrified to death of screwing it up. She's the inspiration for me going back to school, my conversations with her are what gave me the ideas for what I want to research when it comes time for my Masters and PhD work. So yeah. Recommendations and stuff.
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 10147
Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How far away from her do you live?
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 10147
Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I googled "how to avoid the friend zone" out of morbid curiosity and boredom, mostly boredom, and it turns out there is a wikihow page dedicated to it, lol: http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-the-Friend-Zone
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The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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TeflonJon
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 11:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

At the moment I'm in Tuscon and she's in Louisiana. Neither of us are permanently fixed though. I only planned on doing my undergrad degree here. I was looking at heading back to the East Coast for grad school and she has no ties there other than it being the best job she was offered coming straight out of college.
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You can figure it out Nate. Just pretend it's a tree!
- paraphrased from Chick!
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
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Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hmmmm... distance makes it harder. If it was a girl that lived close to me and I felt like she was interested, I would just ask her, "You should let me take you out for dinner some time." or some variation on that.

Being that it's long distance, it makes it a bit more difficult. You would probably need to find a way to build mutual romantic interest before proposing, "so, I was thinking about jumping on a plane and coming down your way to visit for a weekend." Especially if you want to avoid her thinking that you are coming down there just as a friend.

Nothing worse than flying a few thousand miles to introduce your sea cucumber to a girl's fuzzy clam (I've been reading a lot of QC this morning) and finding out she had already placed you in the dreaded "friend zone".

I'm also probably not the best person to give advice on this. Thankfully, of the various relationship issues I continually run into, this isn't one of them. Typically, if I end up in the friend zone, it is after I've already dated the girl and we have broken up.
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The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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khimaira
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Joined: 31 Mar 2005
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Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Building a romantic relationship over the net takes too long. Can you fly her to you for a long weekend? That way you show her something new, she has a vacation from her normal life, weaken her position while maintaining yours, you know the territory as opposed to entering unfamiliar ground where you cannot easily modify your plans.

It all sounds cold, but strategy is something we all use. Admit it.

Of course, I see you delicate humans as pawns in a game of "Global Thermonuclear War" solely for my research and amusement!
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TeflonJon
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So update for those who haven't seen the FB update.

Elyse flew over to Phoenix to go to the Space Vision 2013 conference with me. While we were together this weekend we made it official. It will be long distance for the moment until she finishes her contract at the plant she's working at or I finish my degree. We've setup several more times through out the next year where we can be together and one of those will be the Expo, so you guys should all get a chance to meet her.
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Trassin
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Congrats! (and that makes 8, instead of 7, which is also good).
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The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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TeflonJon
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 13, 2013 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So yeah.

Elyse was having kind of a rough week. The plant she was working at was doing some audits and she was putting in fairly long days. I figured I'd do something nice for her so I had flowers delivered to her apartment hoping to cheer her up. The flowers were making everyone in the complex office sneeze so her landlord opened up her apartment to put the flowers inside, allowing her cats to escape (for the second time this month). In addition, she apparently feels that it's too early in our relationship for gifts and also mentioned that she hates people spending money on her. These are not things we had discussed and I had no way of knowing but I guess I pissed her off pretty badly because she hasn't responded to any of my texts for about a week now and even the FB message I sent her with a lengthy apology for the whole mess has gone unanswered. I really don't know what to do from here. I don't know if she's holding me responsible for her cats getting out or if she just feels like I'm rushing the relationship or what. Clueless as to best handle this situation.
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Chick!
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Joined: 16 Feb 2006
Posts: 722
Location: Austin, TX

PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to say it Jon, but this is ridiculous. It's not like you bought her a diamond necklace. You bought her flowers. Even if she doesn't particularly like flowers, the gracious thing to do is accept them and say thank you. She can then tell you she's not big on them, and give you an alternate idea, like, "I'd rather just talk to you on the phone for a few hours" or "save all that money up and come see me" or something like that. Who the hell gets pissed about flowers? Who the hell sees their boyfriend sending them flowers as a sign of impending doom? Really? Are her cats okay? I can see how she would be upset after an already stressful week, if she had to herd cats, and certainly if they were hurt, but it isn't as if you proposed marriage and killed her kittens.

My guess is she was already dealing with some fear or apprehension about the whole thing. When this unfolded the way it did she had an emotional overload and completely overreacted. Now, she's either still overreacting or she's embarassed about how she responded to the situation (or a little of both).

She may also be getting off on the fact that you're desperately trying to fix the situation (and clearly you should because you're the kind of asshole boyfriend who sends flowers to your girlfriend when she's had a stressful week...what were you thinking!) OR if she is feeling apprehensive, you sending her a million texts and FB messages is making it worse. So....stop it. Animals and people often run from you when you chase them. When you stand in one spot calmly they either approach or the don't. You could maybe send her one more gentle and sweet message that says you're available to talk when she's ready and then radio silence. It's her turn. She's going to do what she's going to do, and you can't make her accept your apology. She's either the kind of woman who will do that or she isn't, and if she isn't, that's very very important information.

Also girls that treat you poorly should be kicked in the ass. That is all.
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Mongolio
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Joined: 25 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If she acts this way while dating, it will NEVER be better than this. As you get closer, the issues will appear to amplify since you have a closer look at them. You just have to decide if it is worth your while.
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TeflonJon
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They were her favorite type of flowers. I don't know if the cats are okay. The only logical thing I could think of was that one or both of the cats ended up dying from the exposure but she hasn't said anything about it on FB or to me personally so I just don't know. It's the not knowing that's killing me.
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You can figure it out Nate. Just pretend it's a tree!
- paraphrased from Chick!
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CrushFearSynth
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Joined: 13 Dec 2005
Posts: 9017
Location: Sterling, VA

PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2013 7:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It will be difficult, but I think you'll just have to wait and see if she gets in contact with you. Continuing to send messages when the initial ones aren't being responded to might have worse consequences. I have to say, though, not being in touch for a week....that's a long time, and is entirely unfair to you. The feelings may or may not be valid, but the behavior is not justified either way.
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CrushFearSynth
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Location: Sterling, VA

PostPosted: Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, what Mongo said. Couples counseling may be in your future. Which you don't have to look at as a negative thing, just saying it may become necessary.

I feel for you man. I REALLY do.
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