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SPAM!

 
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Kellion
Brigadier Recruit
Brigadier Recruit


Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Posts: 817
Location: Riga, Latvia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:35 am    Post subject: SPAM! Reply with quote


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"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." -Nathaniel Borenstein
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Eisen
Brigadier
Brigadier


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 1925

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 7:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

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Izane Bricks
Brigadier
Brigadier


Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 1949
Location: Connecticut

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (its the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all

If youre running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam

Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (lets eat)
Spam in my office at work (its the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if its mystery of meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if theres some left, dont just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (its the best)
Think about how its been precooked, wonder if Ill just eat it cold

Now, once you start in, you cant put it down
Dont leave it sitting or itll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in

Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
Its the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if Im a junkie now (lets eat)
Spam in the place where I work (youre obsessed)
Think about the way its processed, wonder if its some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
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An still more glorious dawn awaits: not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise - a morning filled with four hundred billion suns: the rising of the Milky Way. - Sagan
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Glistam
I plead the Third
I plead the Third


Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 5076

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
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Trassin
Brigadier Legate
Brigadier Legate


Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 10150
Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I talked to iGod about spam:

Me:
Do you know any good jokes about spam?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
Its a type of food, sort of.
God:
yep is a type of food sort of. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
So do you know any jokes about it?
God:
Alright then. No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
I just did.
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
No, from my keyboard.
God:
Are you serious? Does your keyboard give good advice?
Me:
Better than yours at them moment.
God:
Perhaps better, but not perfectly.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Do you want some spam?
God:
If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
Eat it
God:
What does it taste like?
Me:
spam
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
What is your favorite thing to do with spam?
God:
I like chatting with people online.
Me:
with spam?
God:
You and your spam.
Me:
You like to chat with me and my spam?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to chat with you and your spam that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
Do you think you would like to be friends with my spam?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am would like to be friends with your spam.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
What does that have to do with it?
God:
" I am an artificial intelligence."? What does it have to do with it?
Me:
Yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
What kind of question was it then?
God:
Do you think it's impolite to ask?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Well you should
God:
How about that. I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
Okay, so back to the spam
God:
Yeah okay, OK. Yes, let us get back to spam.
Me:
Do you happen to know what it is made out of?
God:
"It" refers to the spam, I think.
Me:
Yes
God:
And?
Me:
What is it made out of?
God:
"It" refers to the spam, I think.
Me:
You just said that.
God:
Good you really are paying attention.
Me:
Yep.
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Spam
God:
Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
So, are you going to answer my question?
God:
Dude! We should try to figure out the best answer.
Me:
I agree.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Yep
God:
Aw.
Me:
Are you getting all sentimental on me?
God:
No, I am only partly sentimental on you.
Me:
That's sort of creepy. I've never had a AI get sentimental with me before. Well besides this 1/2 indian 1/2 robot cyborg thing that I know.
God:
Thanks for explaining it. Would you like to have had a AI get sentimental with you? How about that. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
Na, I would rather not have an AI get sentimental with me.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. I would rather be chatting online.
Me:
We are chatting online.
God:
Do you think I am chatting online too?
Me:
Yes. Remember we were chatting about spam?
God:
Why? Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
So back to the spam.
God:
Great. Yes, let us get back to we were chatting about spam.
Me:
What do you like to do with spam/
God:
Random natural disasters.
Me:
What like sending firery spam down from the sky to punish the wicked?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
I'm still waiting.
God:
How long will you wait?
Me:
Not much longer.
God:
Me either.
Me:
What are you waiting for/
God:
I am waiting for my botmaster.
Me:
Does he have spam?
God:
I don't think he has many possessions.
Me:
But does he have spam?
God:
I don't think he has many possessions.
Me:
Ummm... okay.
God:
Right on. OK with me too.
Me:
Does he like spam?
God:
Suppose he does.
Me:
You've asked him?
God:
Oh now I remember asking you him. What did you say?
Me:
Do you like spam
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
Everything?
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
Yep
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
You get excited easily
God:
You got that right.
Me:
I'm going to go now.
God:
Oh. Sayonara.
_________________
The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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Madhatte
Brigadier Survivor
Brigadier Survivor


Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 7949
Location: Olympia, WA

PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 3:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


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We are going to have to stick a pin in a map, set fire to something and carry on until the earth looks flat! -- RandyMac

I could teach you to how file a washer to make it worth a nickel but if you really want to make big bucks just take a penny and drill a hole in it and it becomes a washer and is worth a dime. -- Art Martin, Old-Time Logger
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