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The Joke thread
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Hatte....I think you need to break it out again. No, not that! The other thing. Perv.
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ashlad
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What other thing?
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The In Living Color pic.
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ashlad
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh, unnecessary. It wasn't that good. I was just being nice. And yeah, that's what I was referring to when I said Z.
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Akuma
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Joined: 10 Apr 2005
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Location: Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

John (now Jean) is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful women.

His old friend Pete sees him and says, "John, you look great...you're beautiful!"

John says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."

Pete says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?"

John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."

Pete says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"

John says, "No, that didn't really hurt."

Pete says, "Then what did hurt?"

John says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and sucked out half my brain."
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just to ruin your joke.... Brain surgery doesn't hurt. Most brain surgeries happen with the patient conscious. There are no nerve endings that cause pain in your brain.
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And they apply a local anesthetic to your scalp before cutting it open. Because that would hurt.
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, I was just trying to help you with the deconstruction.
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we've been pretty successful in derailing this thread.

Back on track: Hatte has a small head. [queues laugh track]

Edit: I can't seem to type <queues> without the spaces after the <and>...

Comes out as <queues>
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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Eisen
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."
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Glistam
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Joined: 24 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

From a joke book my son brought home from school.

"Why are you scratching yourself?"
"Because nobody else knows where I itch."


Teacher: Polly, how can you prove the world is round?
Polly: I never said it was.


Bobby: Dad, I'm too tired to do my homework.
Dad: Now, my boy, hard work never killed anyone yet.
Bobby: Well, I don't want to run the risk of being the first.


Teacher: Brown, stop showing off. Do you think you're the teacher of this class?
Brown: No, sir.
Teacher: Right, then stop behaving like a fool.


Sergeant (to the new recruit): What were you before you joined the army?
New Recruit: Happy, sergeant.
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khimaira
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Birds and Bees

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech.

"If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for!"
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khimaira
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Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

''That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?"

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet

after dinner."

The teacher fainted at Johnny's response.
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Glistam
I plead the Third
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Joined: 24 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 2:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Based on an actual conversation:

Q: I wonder how many cats Schrödinger killed doing his experiments?
A: About half of them.
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What I wish I did more of.
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's funny on so many levels. Um...no pun intended. Or was it?
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Glistam
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 11:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It was intentional.
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 6:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Or was it?
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Kellion
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been thinking alot about the future recently and decided to draw up a living will. So last night, my girlfriend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.

She's such a bitch.....
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She's awesome, is what she is.
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