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The Joke thread
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khimaira
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 2:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, holy hells! There's one cool chick, except the waste of beer. Worth it, though.
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She knows beer sucks. I bet she wouldn't do that if you were holding a glass of Scotch.
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
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Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 6:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kellion wrote:
I've been thinking alot about the future recently and decided to draw up a living will. So last night, my girlfriend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.

She's such a bitch.....

haha, very funny.
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Kellion
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish I could claim that.

Sadly it's not my joke, but I thought it was very funny and thought I should share it.
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Resheph
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it... he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"

and that's when the fight started..
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Trassin wrote:
From now on when I see some disgusting chick with a kid and think to myself, "who the fuck slept with that?" I'm just going to start assuming it was you, Ex.

midget wrote:
vagina = chaos
CrushFearSynth wrote:
She thinks I'm weird compared to you? Dude, I thought you should audition for American Serial Killer when I met you.
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Splinte
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 1:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So evil, but god damnit that is awesome. Man do I wish I was there.
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Resheph
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 3:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, that didn't actually happen. Just like with Kell's joke, I can't take credit for it.
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Trassin wrote:
From now on when I see some disgusting chick with a kid and think to myself, "who the fuck slept with that?" I'm just going to start assuming it was you, Ex.

midget wrote:
vagina = chaos
CrushFearSynth wrote:
She thinks I'm weird compared to you? Dude, I thought you should audition for American Serial Killer when I met you.
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why is everyone so freakin honest around here? Just claim it, damnit!
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Izane Bricks
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I said them both. The stories come from me.
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khimaira
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sitting in a cubicle...
sitting in a quiet office trailer...
sitting laughing my ass off so everyone could hear...
thinking the jokes would be better if I thought they might be true.
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Kellion
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stole this from Maxim

Orlando Bloom goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I've got a problem. Every time I look in the mirror, I get aroused."

"I'm not suprised," replies the doctor. "You're a pussy."
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I "LOL'd", as the saying goes.
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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Madhatte
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

forwarded e-mail wrote:

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

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ashlad
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

1997 called. They want their e-mail back. And if you hit Reply to All, they're gonna fuck you up.
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Madhatte
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 11:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dork.
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We live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots. -- Louis CK

We are going to have to stick a pin in a map, set fire to something and carry on until the earth looks flat! -- RandyMac

I could teach you to how file a washer to make it worth a nickel but if you really want to make big bucks just take a penny and drill a hole in it and it becomes a washer and is worth a dime. -- Art Martin, Old-Time Logger
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Mongolio
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 10:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's the two sexiest animals at the farm?

Brown Chicken Brown Cow!
_________________
Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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Loupy Lobo
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The other day a psychic midget escaped from prison. There's a small medium at large.
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CrushFearSynth
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Joined: 13 Dec 2005
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

*PUNCH*
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Trassin
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PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 6:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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CrushFearSynth
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PostPosted: Fri May 11, 2012 11:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HA!
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