The Blue Elephant Brigade

Resheph · Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: The random story thread

Well the talk of Vet stories in the other thread got me thinking. I'm sure we all have extremely random stories that are funny, sad, deranged, or otherwise entertaining.

I'll start it off.....

A friend of mine works in the ER of the local hospital. I was at the bar one day enjoying my beer, flirting with my wife to be, when my buddy comes in with the strangest look on his face. I've heard all sorts of weird shit from him before, but never seen him so disturbed. So of course I asked what was up. Then he tells me the story....

A woman comes running into the ER in hysterics, telling the nurses behind the counter "You've got to help my husband! He's in a lot of pain! Please help him!"
The nurses rush out from behind the desk and follow the woman outside, asking questions along the way. They get to her car, to find her husband laying on his side in the back seat. The guy is in obvious pain, and pantless, but they can't see why. The wife tells the nurses that he's a paraplegic, and he has a rolling pin lodged in his ass. She explains that being a paraplegic, prostate stimulation is the only way he can feel anything, and their normal 'play' took a turn for the worse.

Mind you, there's quite a few people in the bar, and when he starts telling me this story, people start listening. By the time he mentions the part about "a rolling pin lodged in his anus" everyone starts dieing. The owner spit beer all over his table, the bartender (my future wife) dropped a full glass of wine, etc.

Then of course, the obligatory questions started coming from random people....

"How did he get a rolling pin in his ass?"
"Why a rolling pin?!"
"If he's a paraplegic, how'd she get him in the car?"

The place was in absolute hysterics, I was crying I was laughing so hard.
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Madhatte · Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject:

That's incredible.

I got nothing.
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CrushFearSynth · Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 10:48 am Post subject:

Dude, one of THE most common ER procedures is removing objects from a male's rectum.

And it just so happens I have a story to contribute in that fashion. No, not about me, schmucks. I always have lube handy for those little accidents.

One of the doctors that used to work for my practice was an ER doc a long time ago. One day, they had to remove an Action Man talking action figure from a guy's ass. Once they got it out, it actually said "Action Man, always ready for adventure!" To which Dr. Kim replied, "I think you've seen enough action for one day, Action Man!" Hilarity ensued. At the expense of an extremely embarrassed, and extremely deserving, patient.
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"The cheese stands alone." - Madhatte

Mongolio · Brigadier Elite Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 4976

The guy in the cube next to me interjected in my and another coworker's conversation about a movie. He asked "What movie? Was it "A Bucket of Dicks, Part 2"? I told him "That's an interesting name for a movie." He said "I just pulled it out of my ass.".

*crickets*
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If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
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Exzavier · Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 5:55 am Post subject:

The 'hick' lady at work was talking one day and said she was stopped at a traffic light. She said she beeped because the car in front was not going when it turned green. She said "Next thing I know they were shootin' at me!" And she tried to follow them for awhile to get the plate number.

No one in my team knows if this is true or not.
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Mongolio · Brigadier Elite Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 4976

That's a story my 11-year-old would tell. He is (unfortunately) becoming infamous for his terribly constructed "true stories".
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki

Trassin · Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:37 am Post subject:

Monkeys!
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CrushFearSynth · Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:07 pm Post subject:

Monkey rape.
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"The cheese stands alone." - Madhatte