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The Feast of Alvis

 
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 10149
Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:28 am    Post subject: The Feast of Alvis Reply with quote

It's almost that time of year again.



For those of you who aren't familiar with this time honored holiday let me share with you the story of Alvis's birth.


Quote:
- The Birth of Alvis -

On a frosty winters night, a wagon appeared at the gates of Fort Klugman, carrying pioneers to the frontier.




A young woman in the party called Delia was heavy with child, and though she had journeyed with the virile young men for nigh on 1 year, none had lain with her. Though she was comely.



And on this frosty winters night, young Delia's waters broke, almost freezing her to the seat of the wagon. And the pioneers beseeched the soldiers to grant them entrance so that she could give birth to her child in the hospital there.

But due to an outbreak of syphilis amongst the soldiers, the hospital was full - and so there in the stable, among the feed and the tack and the.. watsus Delia gave birth to a son, whom she called Alvis as was her wont.

And since none of the men in the party were her father It was decided among them that the birth of this child must truly be a miracle - and it was so - for above the fort, there suddenly and miraculously appeared and awesome and mighty comet.



And so brilliant was its light, that there came from all the tribes that the soldiers had not yet decimated, SHAMANS! And they rode upon buffalo as was their heathen custom... bearing gifts. Offerings of whiskey and firearms.

And when the Shamans saw the child, they were in awe - for he glowed - as if bathed in a light that was truly not of this world......




- Alvis Quotes -

"Vengeance is mine"

"The true meaning of Alvis-tide - neither is it Ham nor Pomp. Nay the true meaning of Alvis-tide is drinking. Drinking and revenge"

"Drink with me deeply of the Bourbon Scotch and Rye until such time as we are fightin' drunk. Then we shall find and beat the asses of the non-believers who ruined my feast."

"Why dost though gnash and weep and scream crap?"

"CRAP-SCREAMER!"

- Alvis Facts -

Alvis will smoke those bitches.

Alvis haters hug trees.

1/3 of ALL people are Alvians.

Pennies cannot start fires.

You can fire people based on religion.

Alvis was a Krebb, and was killed by the Romans.

-Alvis Prayers-

**** ALVIS MY LORD, HIS PISTOLS BLAZETH - ALVIS-LUJAH ALVIS-LUJAH. ****

_________________
The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend


Last edited by Trassin on Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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Madhatte
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Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 7948
Location: Olympia, WA

PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Whiskey: Check.

Ham: Check.

Guns: Check.

Pomp: Check.

Let the Bacchanal begin!
_________________
We live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots. -- Louis CK

We are going to have to stick a pin in a map, set fire to something and carry on until the earth looks flat! -- RandyMac

I could teach you to how file a washer to make it worth a nickel but if you really want to make big bucks just take a penny and drill a hole in it and it becomes a washer and is worth a dime. -- Art Martin, Old-Time Logger
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Trassin
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Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 10149
Location: Malabo, Equatorial Guinea

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I just did a quick google of the "Feast of Alvis". Turns out the BEB is the 3rd link listed for it (videos sponsored by google don't count)! https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=alvis+day#pq=alvis+day&hl=en&cp=12&gs_id=1y&xhr=t&q=Feast+of+Alvis&tok=J2Fz4kDZsUq52QHVRtceRw&pf=p&sclient=psy-ab&safe=off&biw=1440&bih=815&source=hp&pbx=1&oq=Feast+of+Alv&aq=0&aqi=g2g-v2&aql=&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=a1bc1589ec616832

Also, Comedy Central has now made the entire tale of Alvis available for your viewing pleasure: http://video.adultswim.com/sealab-2021/the-legend-of-alvis.html
_________________
The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honorable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. - Albert Einstein
"Raccoons oscillate at 50Hz in Europe." - FAWBOTS
"I'm not sure I'm up for orgy scrabble parties" - Female Friend
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Madhatte
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Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 7948
Location: Olympia, WA

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

THIRD link? We can do better. Alvis bless us, every one.
_________________
We live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots. -- Louis CK

We are going to have to stick a pin in a map, set fire to something and carry on until the earth looks flat! -- RandyMac

I could teach you to how file a washer to make it worth a nickel but if you really want to make big bucks just take a penny and drill a hole in it and it becomes a washer and is worth a dime. -- Art Martin, Old-Time Logger
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Mishlai
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Joined: 22 May 2005
Posts: 6226
Location: Dry Land

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's on the 4th page of results for me. Google gives different result for different people. Apparently Google believes that you prefer BeB as a source more than I do?
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You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success.

Fucking act like it.

"The stars died so that you could be here today" - Lawrence Krauss

"The universe is huge and old, and rare things happen all the time." - Lawrence Krauss
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