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Man Test

 
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Glistam
I plead the Third
I plead the Third


Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 5076

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:21 am    Post subject: Man Test Reply with quote

I got this e-mailed to me recently. I thought I'd share. I cut out #8 since it was the obligitory "Send this to everyone you know or your gay" bullshit.

MAN TEST


1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet... Faggot.


2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms
itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it
uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...
'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!'
Now think about how you call a cat... 'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!'
Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.


3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense,
rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab
claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else
and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.


4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot,
you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.


5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a row of
tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If
you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too.


6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different
types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing
out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton
or denim, you are poofter.


7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a
meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-ass
driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change
the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
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Resheph
Brigadier Commando
Brigadier Commando


Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 2778
Location: Danbury, CT

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahaha
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Trassin wrote:
From now on when I see some disgusting chick with a kid and think to myself, "who the fuck slept with that?" I'm just going to start assuming it was you, Ex.

midget wrote:
vagina = chaos
CrushFearSynth wrote:
She thinks I'm weird compared to you? Dude, I thought you should audition for American Serial Killer when I met you.
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Akuma
Brigadier Commando
Brigadier Commando


Joined: 10 Apr 2005
Posts: 2590
Location: Ontario, Canada

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha, awesome.
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"The problem with quotes on the Internet is the validity of them." -Abraham Lincoln
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chowda
Brigadier Commando
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Joined: 13 Aug 2008
Posts: 2631
Location: Rhode Island

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyone who uses the word "camp" is a raging homersexual.
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"Doctor Wu, your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!" - Black Dynamite

"Don't like the anime so much....but this just looks....well....."holy shit awesome." Crush exhibiting his superb observational skills referring to this movie
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CrushFearSynth
Brigadier Survivor
Brigadier Survivor


Joined: 13 Dec 2005
Posts: 9017
Location: Sterling, VA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So using the word camp means you want to get down with the Simpson patriarch?
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khimaira
Brigadier Veteran
Brigadier Veteran


Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 2022
Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I put both my hands on my steering wheel to turn on my abnormally bright high beams and my bumper RC lights (brighter than your shining personality Glistam) and steer right into the prick's mirror!

Seriously, my lights are like the fucking sun on 'roids.
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"I'll punch your FIST with my FACE!" -- Vy
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Leedon
Moderator
Moderator


Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 1478

PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 2:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you need a test to know you're a man...
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Flirtin' with disaster,
Ya'll know what I mean.
You know the way we run our lives,
It makes no sense to me.


-Flirtin' with Disaster, Molly Hatchet
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Mongolio
Brigadier Elite
Brigadier Elite


Joined: 25 Mar 2005
Posts: 4976

PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Glistam wrote:
or tits.


That needs to be at the top of the list. It does, indeed.
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Core meltdown (commonly known as a meltdown) is an accident scenario in nuclear reactors, and is one of the possible modes of failure for light water reactors, during which the reactor pile turns into a pile of reactor.
---RationalWiki

If Jesus had existed, his DNA would have been 99% similar to that of a chimpanzee. Or you. You're 99% Jesus.
-- RationalWiki
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